Don’t shed any tears though, our new site has an incredibly sick new design, plenty of fun exciting features and is going to revolutionize the way we blog, and the way everyone else does too.

Please check your bookmarks and update them if need be, the site’s address will remain Slanchreport.com, and these archives will remain, in perpetuity for your perusal, they are also available through the new site as well, so check it out.

A lot of exciting changes are going to be happening for the Slanch Report starting now, so jump on board as we take this little blog and turn it into domination. Viva the Slanch Report!

Make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then make your way over to the permanent Doppelgangers page to bask in the glory of all the previous doppelgangers we’ve assembled.

First off was a stop at the local tattoo parlor where he had his left leg from the knee down decorated to honor the 2005 Super Bowl team. The idea came after Murphy had seen an Oakland Raiders fan similar style ink. ”There’s no way I’m going to let a Raiders guy have a better tattoo,” Murphy said to himself and away he went.

At the end of the session, the tattoo artist turned to Murphy and said, ”Man, you are a fiend for the Seahawks.” The words stayed with Murphy so he did what any other rational person would do; he went to a Halloween costume store, found a mask with two horns which he then painted blue and green. Then he bought some shoulder pads, Freddy Kruegger-style gloves and went on Craigslist where he bought the rights to someone else’s season tickets. HawkFiend was born.

Good thing he didn’t go overboard.

Now Murphy is the president of the Sea Hawkers booster club but it is his alter ego that gets all the publicity. ”HawkFiend is the crazed fan,” says Murphy, “HawkFiend’s job is to be there at Qwest with the other 67,000 people and help the team.”

When the Seahawks aren’t playing Murphy is just a normal husband, father of three girls who works at a Costco, but on Sundays everything changes and HawkFiend takes over. He has also added a giant right leg tattoo where the Seahawks are presented as beasts of the NFC West, with the HawkFiend in the middle. Of course, since the team hasn’t done anything SINCE the 2005 season, I wonder if HawkFiend is the jinx…

Don’t worry though, if the Seahawks ever DO get good again, Murphy has a plan on how to “appropriately” honor the team, ”I have my whole back for that,” HawkFiend says.

[Seattle Times]

I’d just like to remind our future masters that bloggers can be very helpful in spreading the robot message and so I should be spared in the first wave.

[Gizmodo]

When the New Hamburg Firebirds took on the Woodstock Renegades in a recent game Kevin Brown, the 25-year-old linesman was wading in to stop a fight between two players when they fell to the ice. Unluckily for Brown, when the players fell to the ice one of them fell with his skates up in the air which then caught Brown under the chinstrap. Yikes!

Ever the pro, Brown continued trying to stop the fight but quickly realized he was seriously cut. He then skated over to the Firebird’s bench and got off the ice.

“I saw the skate go up and (Brown) grabbed his neck right away,” fellow linesman Bruce Byers told the QMI news agency afterwards. “You knew he was leaking. I told the guys on the ice, ‘It’s done.’”

[TSN]

Despite all that, on the court, Wall is all business, and boy, does he have some skills. For example, while playing the Hartford Hawks on Tuesday Wall makes a hell of a steal and then goes for an inverse stall on the press table into a 180 jump back onto the court. Sign this man up for the X Games!

[ ]]> http://slanchreport.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/beelzebub-is-going-for-the-gold-once-more/feed/ 0 slanch 4th Olympics for Satan http://slanchreport.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/can-you-tell-these-are-the-jv-teams/ http://slanchreport.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/can-you-tell-these-are-the-jv-teams/#comments Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:38:02 +0000 slanch http://slanchreport.com/?p=11567 ]]> This clip isn’t new, it’s from a game in October, but screw it, I haven’t seen it until now. In it, we see some really fine protection from the offensive line, even better tackling prowess and then one of the prettiest spirals you’ll ever see thrown on a football field.

Then again, this being the JV team from Steven Kennedy High School in Brookville, PA  it could be a disaster of a football play. But hey, either way it’s amusing to watch!

Take for instance, a recent Canucks/Predators game where some Canucks fans took to heckling the Predators players when they entered the penalty box. I don’t think the Preds appreciated the moment.

Starting 9 am, January 1st, Parnell will be out on the road and starting his first marathon of the year — the first of 250 that he intends to run in 2010.

5 days a week Parnell will be on the roads, taking off only Fridays and Saturdays for rest. This wasn’t Parnell’s first plan though, initially he intended to run 365 marathons but after seeing his doctor — a mountaineer who has climbed Everest — the 54-year-old was told he should cut his plans back a bit, thus settling on the mere 250 marathons instead.

His goal is to raise $250,000 for a charity called Right to Play, “an international humanitarian organization that uses sports and play programs to improve health, develop life skills and foster peace for children in developing countries. It also has programs in 4,500 schools in Canada.”

Parnell only took up running seven years ago after his older brother challenged him to a marathon, within 6 months he was qualifying for the Toronto Marathon and then the Boston Marathon, which he ran for the first time in 2004.

“Obviously, I liked it and I just kept going,” he said.

Twelve of the 250 marathons will be official races, in places like Calgary, Boston and Vancouver, but the rest will be on the certified marathon course near his home. Parnell will be sending real-time data tracking his location, speed and heart rate to his website, marathonquest250.com along his nearly 7,000 mile journey.

“I kind of like challenges where I don’t know if I can do this,” Parnell said, “I think it can be done. And I like that.”

[Calgary Herald]