Duquette Doesn’t Have This Bribery Thing Down

Dan Duquette is back in the news today, thanks to a Boston Globe story about the former Red Sox GM (and general architecht of the 2004 team.) Apparently Duquette and Pittsfield, MA Mayor James M. Ruberto are being investigated by the Massachusetts State Ethics Commission for Duquette selling two 2004 World Series tickets to the Mayor at face value.

The contention of the commission is that because the tickets were impossible for the general public at the face value cost of $190, when individual seats were going for $2000 or more, Duquette “provided something of substantial value to Ruberto for or because of official acts to be performed by Ruberto as mayor,” according to a statement the commission released.

Duquette admits that he sold the tickets to the Mayor because he wanted to get permission for his minor league baseball team, the Berkshire Dukes, to play at a park owned by the city.

“I believed then and I believe now that by not gifting the Mayor a ticket and instead selling it to him for the price set by Major League Baseball (MLB), I am not in violation of any Massachusetts law, regulation, or ethical norm. Furthermore, there was never any intent, offer, discussion, act or acts, official or unofficial, discussed, implied, mentioned, or required by Jim Ruberto on behalf of my family or any of the businesses in which I am involved in connection with the purchase of this ticket at face value,” Duquette said in a statement. He also went on to mention that MLB rules forbid team officials from selling team tickets at above face value.

Mayor Ruberto’s lawyer, Leonard Cohen said that the sale of the tickets did not impact the decision of the city with regard to the Dukes. He then complained about the multitudes of bad covers of his awesome song, “Hallelujah.”

One important thing to note: the Dukes pay a per-game fee of $300 and an annual payment of $10,000 to the city, more than any other team paid for a home facility last year. So if the Mayor gave preferential treatment to the Dukes and Duquette, he has a strange sense of prefence. It looks to me like if Duquette was looking to bribe the Mayor with these tickets he did it wrong.

Tennis Players are Super Hard-Core

Ah, tennis players, the manliest of all athletes.

[Lion in Oil via With Leather]

A Wild and Crazy Night at Dodger Stadium

Generally when you go out and pitch a no-hitter, you can chalk that game up in the win column. For the erstwhile California Angels, that was not the case Saturday night. Jered Weaver pitched 6 innings of no-hit ball but was lifted in the 7th for a pinch hitter. Unfortunately, thanks to two back-to-back errors in the fifth (the first of which was somewhat questionably), Matt Kemp had scored on a sacrifice fly, making the score 1-0 in the favor of the Dodgers.

Thanks to the asinine NL lack of a DH, the Angels were forced in a one-run game to remove Weaver in order to try and generate some offense. If only his team had a player that they could have hit for Weaver and leave him in the lineup, someone whose sole job it was to hit, thus enabling the pitcher to concentrate on just his pitching. Sigh.

The Spanish Have Mixed Up Priorities

The people of Europe are obsessed with soccer, with the Euro Cup games going on, productivity in workplaces was significantly down around the continent as people eagerly watched the games unfold. Even more disturbing, people were choosing watching the games over sex!

The International Erotic Film Festival of Barcelona, which confusingly was held in Madrid, annually averages over 50,000 people, ended this year’s three-day festival with a mere 15,000 attendees.

“FICEB director Juli Simon blamed the lower-than-expected turnout on the fact that the festival’s opening day coincided with Spain‘s 3-0 Euro 2008 semi-final win over Russia which drew a record Spanish television audience of 17 million. ‘Football is one of the few things that can compete with sex'” he explained in a television interview.

The festival featured “buxom” porn actresses on hand, screenings from nearly 60 film companies and even the taping of a new movie by director Pepe Catman, which involved some of the festival-goers in on the action.

Let’s hope that once the Euro Cup is over later today that the Spaniards, and the rest of Europe, can get back to the important things in life. After all, I wouldn’t want Pepe Catman to have to go out into the real world and get a job, I mean, I don’t imagine he’s got a lot of transferable skills…

Because Sports are All About the Balls Anyways

You know how you find yourself watching a Nascar or NHRA race and you’re always like, “Damn, this is truly the greatest thing in the world. If only I could somehow have my couch vibrate and shake me to simulate like I too was a driver on the track to make this even better…”

Well good news, introducing, the Buttkicker!

This weekend the NHRA Racing series is going to be installing a bluetooth receiver in the car of Jeg Coughlin Jr. (Jeg? Goddamn that’s a redneck name!) which will enable a viewer at home, using the Buttkicker, to feel exactly like they are riding in the car with Coughlin. The Buttkicker folk are hoping that they will be able to sell subscriptions in the future and add in a slew of other sporting event possibilities too.

After all, the chance to watch football and feel the tackle or feel a collision at the plate while making your balls tingle has always been the dream of any TRUE sports fan.

However, this might be the only way you can get your girlfriend to stay on the couch with you through the entire football season…

[Fan IQ via Engadget]

The Filthiest Thing I’ve Seen

Some folks in Scotland have turned the “beautiful game” into the dirtiest, wildest affair possible. I’d expect nothing less from men who wear skirts. This is the perfect combination of sport: mud wrestling and balls. It nearly brings a tear to my eyes…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Actually, this looks like an incredibly fun time, albeit very very dirty. But hey, so you get your balls messy and then you wash ’em, t’ain’t nothing wrong with that!

It Is Pride Month After All

Last night’s NBA draft was not especially exciting–besides the top couple of players everyone takes 3-5 years to develop as opposed to seniors stepping in ready to play. There were several trades though, the most interesting was the trade between the Minnesota Timberwolves and the Memphis Grizzlies where the key pieces were the trading of third pick OJ Mayo for fifth pick Kevin Love.

Thanks to the trade the league was robbed of a great new possible advertising campaign: The 2009 Memphis Grizzlies, where Gay-Love Happens!

Turns out Bill Simmons and I think alike (Scroll down to 5:23)

Showing One’s Butt is MY Talent Too!

Amanda Holden is apparently a judge on Brits Have Talent, a show that I can only imagine is filled with epic performances of people singing old Eton songs, stuffing their faces with scones and of course a guy who can say “quite” 1000 times in a minute. But I’m getting off my point.

In the 1970s photographer Martin Elliott took what became an iconic poster of a woman playing tennis sans the appropriate undergarments of a genteel lady. Since I ain’t genteel, I like the original picture. Holden recently posed for some photos recreating the famous poster, although she chose to be a bit more demure than the original.

Holden isn’t the hottest but for a woman in her late 30s she’s pretty decent, and really this is just an excuse for me to post the original photograph below. First is the original and then the new Holden version, obviously one is better than the other… However, check out a couple more from the shoot that are a bit better after the jump including a tasteful eating strawberries pick and a hint of camel-toe.

[Floockers]

Who Knew Budweiser Was So Versatile!

Jon Daly and Kid Rock teamed up together at the Buick Pro-Am event in Michigan, making possibly the first complete white-trash team in golfing history. Showing that you can take them out of the trailer but you can’t take it out of them, check out Jon Daly teeing off using Kid Rock’s tallboy Budweiser can.

I only wish Daly golfed in a pair of overalls also, it would make the day that much more special. Someday… Also, I love the crowd reaction, particularly the guy who calls for Daly to shotgun the beer. Golf is branching out!

[Fanhouse]

Shawn Chacon Chokes His Way Out of the Majors

We all think about doing it, but for most people, common sense kicks in and we don’t indulge our inner demons. I’m of course referring to the our inner desires to kick our respective bosses asses. Well, Shawn Chacon found his breaking point on Wednesday and grabbed general manager Ed Wade by the throat and throwing him to the ground and then jumping on top of him.

That’s certainly a way to express your displeasure at being removed from the rotation over the weekend. Of course, when you begin the season with 9 straight no-decisions and are currently 2-3 with an ERA over 5 in 15 starts, maybe it’s not the GM’s fault…

“I sat down to eat and Ed Wade came to me and very sternly said, ‘You need to come with me to the office,'” Chacon said. “I said ‘for what?’ I said ‘I don’t want to go to the office with you and Cooper.’ And I said, ‘You can tell me whatever you got to tell me right here.’ He’s like, ‘Oh, you want me to tell you right here?’ And I said, ‘yeah.’ I’m not yelling. I’m calm.”

Tim Wakefield Got a Lot Uglier

Tim Wakefield pitched a gem of a game last night, allowing 2 hits over seven shutout innings but his most impressive accomplishment was undergoing an intensive Face/Off operation immediately after leaving the game, changing identities with Randy Johnson during the 7th inning stretch. I’m going to assume it was done so that Wakefield could go undercover at the national Ugly Man competition while tracking some missing diamonds.

Wow, he really can do it all, first he was an infielder, than he became a very successful knuckleballer and now he’s also an international crime fighter. Awesome!

Strippers Bring Much-Needed Excitement to Kid’s Golf

It was a nice Monday morning tournament at Eagle Trace Golf Course in Broomfield, Colorado, a group of young golfers, aged 7-12 were starting their tournament when all of a sudden a bunch of limosines pulled up. If this were an ABC reality show, these kids would be treated to a series of PGA stars who would come out and teach the kids some stuff and change their lives forever.

That didn’t happen.

Instead, out of the limos came the players of Shotgun Willie’s Charity Golf Tournament. The event, paired patrons of the classy local strip club with the strippers who served as caddies.

“It was mistiming,” said Eagle Trace Manager Evelyn Koch. I’d say that’s an understatement. “I cannot tell you the girls didn’t flash out there,” Koch continued, “But it wasn’t a free-for-all.”

For those young kids, this was probably the most influential day of their early golf careers. It probably made them want to play the game all that much more. The PGA should consider this as a potential marketing maneuver.

For the 144 patrons of the strip club who came out for the charity event, this day will also be long remembered. I didn’t even know that golf courses allowed Def Leopard and Motley Crue songs on the courses! Or that the hole flags could be used as stripper poles; they’re much sturdier than I thought.

The article goes on, getting more and more hilarious:

“There was nothing inappropriate going on around the clubhouse when the kids were around,” said golf instructor Dustin Moser, “There was a handful of girls that got a little out of control.”

Moser admitted several dancers were scolded for “top-dropping.”