So Long WordPress, It’s Been Real!

So this is it! Starting today (hopefully) our new site is LIVE! Our move to the Bloguin family of blogs has been finalized and alas, our days on WordPress are over. I’ve enjoyed my time here, but there comes a point where all boys have to become men, and today is the Slanch Report’s bar mitzvah.

Don’t shed any tears though, our new site has an incredibly sick new design, plenty of fun exciting features and is going to revolutionize the way we blog, and the way everyone else does too.

Please check your bookmarks and update them if need be, the site’s address will remain Slanchreport.com, and these archives will remain, in perpetuity for your perusal, they are also available through the new site as well, so check it out.

A lot of exciting changes are going to be happening for the Slanch Report starting now, so jump on board as we take this little blog and turn it into domination. Viva the Slanch Report!

Fenway Park: Robot in Disguise

In honor of today’s Winter Classic, and because I like time-lapse stuff, here is some time-lapse video of the Winter Classic at Fenway Park ice rink being set up. Viva 2010!

A Titan-Sized Alien Hunter Doppelganger

Since being drafted in 2008, Chris Johnson has been kicking ass and taking names in the NFL without giving quarter. The slippery and super fast Johnson is a menace to defenses everywhere, he is always a threat to break any run and go the distance, in any other year, Johnson’s quest for 2,000 yards would put him directly in line for the MVP trophy. In the Predator movies, the eponymous alien has come to earth in search of trophies himself, hunting trophies that is, of the people he hunts. Interestingly, Kevin Peter Hall who played the Predator was 7′ 2″ and prior to filming Predator had just finished up shooting on Harry and the Hendersons. All I know is that faced with either of these guys chasing you there isn’t much chance of making it out alive.

Make sure you VOTE in the poll below and then make your way over to the permanent Doppelgangers page to bask in the glory of all the previous doppelgangers we’ve assembled.

HawksFiend Shows that Fan IS Short for Fanatic

The Seahawks have been in Seattle since 1976, in that time there hasn’t been much to cheer for, until the 2005 season that is when they went to, and lost, the Super Bowl. Bryan Murphy was just another anonymous fan at that point, but ever one to go nuts on a bandwagon, he decided to go all out in his “fanaticism.”

First off was a stop at the local tattoo parlor where he had his left leg from the knee down decorated to honor the 2005 Super Bowl team. The idea came after Murphy had seen an Oakland Raiders fan similar style ink. “There’s no way I’m going to let a Raiders guy have a better tattoo,” Murphy said to himself and away he went.

At the end of the session, the tattoo artist turned to Murphy and said, “Man, you are a fiend for the Seahawks.” The words stayed with Murphy so he did what any other rational person would do; he went to a Halloween costume store, found a mask with two horns which he then painted blue and green. Then he bought some shoulder pads, Freddy Kruegger-style gloves and went on Craigslist where he bought the rights to someone else’s season tickets. HawkFiend was born.

Good thing he didn’t go overboard.

Now Murphy is the president of the Sea Hawkers booster club but it is his alter ego that gets all the publicity. “HawkFiend is the crazed fan,” says Murphy, “HawkFiend’s job is to be there at Qwest with the other 67,000 people and help the team.”

When the Seahawks aren’t playing Murphy is just a normal husband, father of three girls who works at a Costco, but on Sundays everything changes and HawkFiend takes over. He has also added a giant right leg tattoo where the Seahawks are presented as beasts of the NFC West, with the HawkFiend in the middle. Of course, since the team hasn’t done anything SINCE the 2005 season, I wonder if HawkFiend is the jinx…

Don’t worry though, if the Seahawks ever DO get good again, Murphy has a plan on how to “appropriately” honor the team, “I have my whole back for that,” HawkFiend says.

[Seattle Times]

Johnny-5 is Alive (and Can’t Stick the Landing)

I don’t have a lot of an idea about why this video was made, but anytime we can celebrate the athletic achievements of our future robot overlords I’m game.

I’d just like to remind our future masters that bloggers can be very helpful in spreading the robot message and so I should be spared in the first wave.

[Gizmodo]

2 Minutes for Slashing (the Ref’s Throat)

Being a hockey referee isn’t easy, especially in the Junior C levels in Woodstock, Ontario; you have to imagine the pay isn’t particularly good and then there are the fights.

When the New Hamburg Firebirds took on the Woodstock Renegades in a recent game Kevin Brown, the 25-year-old linesman was wading in to stop a fight between two players when they fell to the ice. Unluckily for Brown, when the players fell to the ice one of them fell with his skates up in the air which then caught Brown under the chinstrap. Yikes!

Ever the pro, Brown continued trying to stop the fight but quickly realized he was seriously cut. He then skated over to the Firebird’s bench and got off the ice.

“I saw the skate go up and (Brown) grabbed his neck right away,” fellow linesman Bruce Byers told the QMI news agency afterwards. “You knew he was leaking. I told the guys on the ice, ‘It’s done.'”

[TSN]

John Wall Shows Off His Inner Freestyle Walker

John Wall is the likely #1 pick in this year’s NBA draft, but for the meantime he is forced to ply his trade for the pittance that the boosters at Kentucky secretly pay him.

Despite all that, on the court, Wall is all business, and boy, does he have some skills. For example, while playing the Hartford Hawks on Tuesday Wall makes a hell of a steal and then goes for an inverse stall on the press table into a 180 jump back onto the court. Sign this man up for the X Games!

Beelzebub is Going for the Gold Once More

I sure wouldn’t want to have to square off against him in a face-off…

[IHF]

Can You Tell These Are the JV Teams?

This clip isn’t new, it’s from a game in October, but screw it, I haven’t seen it until now. In it, we see some really fine protection from the offensive line, even better tackling prowess and then one of the prettiest spirals you’ll ever see thrown on a football field.

Then again, this being the JV team from Steven Kennedy High School in Brookville, PA  it could be a disaster of a football play. But hey, either way it’s amusing to watch!

Green Man is EVERYWHERE!

The gang over at It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia have themselves a kickass television show and have launched a cultural phenomenon with Charlie’s Green Man character. Green Man has been popping up at sports events all across the country, they even have their own Facebook group; they’re the newest and best trend in stadium fandom in years.

Take for instance, a recent Canucks/Predators game where some Canucks fans took to heckling the Predators players when they entered the penalty box. I don’t think the Preds appreciated the moment.

Your New Year’s Resolutions are Lame Next to This Guy’s

With New Year’s fast approaching, people are making resolutions left and right, take Martin Parnell, a semi-retired Calgary mining engineer has made quite a unique one.

Starting 9 am, January 1st, Parnell will be out on the road and starting his first marathon of the year — the first of 250 that he intends to run in 2010.

5 days a week Parnell will be on the roads, taking off only Fridays and Saturdays for rest. This wasn’t Parnell’s first plan though, initially he intended to run 365 marathons but after seeing his doctor — a mountaineer who has climbed Everest — the 54-year-old was told he should cut his plans back a bit, thus settling on the mere 250 marathons instead.

His goal is to raise $250,000 for a charity called Right to Play, “an international humanitarian organization that uses sports and play programs to improve health, develop life skills and foster peace for children in developing countries. It also has programs in 4,500 schools in Canada.”

Parnell only took up running seven years ago after his older brother challenged him to a marathon, within 6 months he was qualifying for the Toronto Marathon and then the Boston Marathon, which he ran for the first time in 2004.

“Obviously, I liked it and I just kept going,” he said.

Twelve of the 250 marathons will be official races, in places like Calgary, Boston and Vancouver, but the rest will be on the certified marathon course near his home. Parnell will be sending real-time data tracking his location, speed and heart rate to his website, marathonquest250.com along his nearly 7,000 mile journey.

“I kind of like challenges where I don’t know if I can do this,” Parnell said, “I think it can be done. And I like that.”

[Calgary Herald]

Shawn Johnson Backflips Over a Bobsled

America’s favorite pint-sized taco popper, gymnast Shawn Johnson is participating in an advertising campaign for Crunch bars along with speed skater Apolo Ohno where they challenge each other to athletic feats. Of course, this being a commercial I think it’s clear that this is totally fake, but hey, how often do you get to see a gymnast FAKE backflip over a bobsled while it careens down the track?